


I'm Not Ok But I Smile Anyways

by Danger_Zone24



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, M/M, May be triggering to some people, Mentions of attempted suicide, Qs point of veiw, Some Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 17:19:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7627177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danger_Zone24/pseuds/Danger_Zone24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically what the tags say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Ok But I Smile Anyways

**Author's Note:**

> I was wandering around Facebook when I came across this page about anxiety (not sure which page anymore). Anyways I took some of the quotes on the pictures and wove them into the story.
> 
> I'm sorry if it triggers anything and if it dose I hope that you can get the help you need and happiness you deserve.

I’m always fine until I’m alone at night and I lose myself somewhere in the darkness. I don’t feel like existing today or tomorrow or whenever. I just lay here in bed not really thinking. It’s not mine, yours or even our bed anymore. Not since you left.

Again.

Staring at the roof, then out of the window and back to the roof. I couldn’t possibly feel any more alone, but I don’t really mind it. I’m used to the numb feeling whenever you’re not here. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore because I have lost nearly every part of myself trying to find you again and again. I hate the fact that I got close to you because I knew in the end everyone somehow leaves. 

I wish people understood… I wish you could understand, actually fucking understand what I feel. What I’m actually going through every time you walk away from me. Every time you disappear or get injured or ‘die’. Why haven’t you come back to me yet? Or even contacted me. You can’t just waltz back into my life again, like countless times before, like nothing ever changes. I understand that it's sometimes part of the job that you need to go off radar. But it doesn't explain the times you deliberately do it, and disappear for days and months. 

I get up every day alone to fight the same demons that left me so tired the day before. Everything is starting to blur together. So tell me should I go left where nothing is right or right where nothing is left? 

You asked me why I tried to kill myself before. It's because it's so dark here all the time and I can't see. The light you shine is dim and it flickers. And I try, God knows I try, to be strong but I can’t help feeling this way. I only wish you knew, that I had the words to tell you.


End file.
